My husband and I are kinda lazy asses who don’t like spending time outside in the South Texas heat unless there’s crawfish, live music, and/or beer involved, and even then, A/C is preferable. This fact, mixed with the god-forsaken drought and the ridiculous amount of sand I’ve found in the mother-lovin’ clothes DRYER, has forced our tight-fisted asses to ante up and install a sprinkler system. Dragging water hoses around ain’t happenin’ anymore. Last week, the geniuses who have figured out how to make more money in a week than I do in a month by digging in the dirt put ‘er in.
Well, we have a dog. Actually, a dog-goat. That bitch (not a curse word here) chews up everything. We made her a dog bowl out of a five-gallon pickle bucket. Bitch chewed it up so bad it wouldn’t hold food – in other words, it was no longer an f-ing bowl. So last night, she chewed the cover off of the valve box cover thingy for the new sprinkler system. Chewed it the f*** off. Bitch is tearin’ my shit apart one piece at a time.
Well, we have a dog. Actually, a dog-goat. That bitch (not a curse word here) chews up everything. We made her a dog bowl out of a five-gallon pickle bucket. Bitch chewed it up so bad it wouldn’t hold food – in other words, it was no longer an f-ing bowl. So last night, she chewed the cover off of the valve box cover thingy for the new sprinkler system. Chewed it the f*** off. Bitch is tearin’ my shit apart one piece at a time.
The Dog-Goat (not a pitbull)
Redneck mother’s solution? Hot wing sauce, Tabasco sauce, jalapeno powder, and cayenne whipped together in a paste to be spread on said valve box cover thingy. Puttin’ the fire to ‘er. Take that, bitch.
She’ll probably like it. Goats’ll eat anything.
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